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End of Watch is fantastic. The character development, screenplay and fly on the wall aesthetic make for a gut wrenching experience that earns it’s suspense, action and story development. What I loved most about End of Watch is that it shows and doesn’t tell. There isn’t loads of unnecessary expository dialogue that explains everything to you. Through the characters actions and interactions you grow to like them and the world becomes real. The drunken speeches, gun fights and characters ring true because you appreciate the characters and the friendships formed.

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Director David Ayer (writer of Training Day) put a lot of responsibility on his actors to create believable and likable characters who guide us through the criminal muck of  Los Angeles.  Jake Gyllenhaal, Michael Pena, America Ferrera, Frank Grillo and Cody Horn deliver  fully realized performances that benefit from Ayer’s “always rolling” directing style. You like them and their motivations and actions never seem false because of the care the script takes. It is a breath of fresh air to hold your breath during intense scenes because you don’t want any ill will befalling the characters.

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I knew I loved the film during a particularly funny/intense moment involving a fair fight. There is a moment in the film where Gyllenhaal and Pena are on a routine call and come across a belligerent man who won’t stop running his mouth. So, Pena makes him a deal. The two will fight and If the loudmouth can beat up Pena they will let him go. If Pena wins they bring him to jail. A fair fight breaks out, Gyllenhaal never jumps in and Pena eventually wins via brutal gut shots. What happens? They take the guy in for minor criminal charges and he has a new found respect for the duo that will play into the film. Also, I dug how this film allowed Pena to finally flex his acting chops. He was the best part of 30 Minutes or Less, Observe and Report and Crash but was overshadowed due to the ensemble nature of the films. The dude can act and this is his showcase. It is a shame that he or Jake didn’t get nominated for Academy Awards.

Co-writer John was talking about the recent Die Hard debacle and he said “the action scenes were fantastic but I didn’t care about them because they were unearned.” John was watching a film where everything was blowing up and he was bored. In End of Watch when they make a routine traffic stop you are on the edge of your seat. The tension is earned and the threat of the Mexican cartel is real. The best part is that the two get in the cross-hairs of the cartel because they take their job seriously and are good at it. There is no stolen money or corruption clouding their judgement. They are good men who risk their lives daily because they love their jobs.

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I like how Ayer rolled the camera constantly because the film feels natural. By inhabiting their roles for long camera takes you sense that all the actors bought into their characters and this allowed for wonderful random moments.  When they are driving around in their squad car Jake and Michael had plenty of time to improv and do nothing but talk. You see that they are best friends and thus believe in the relationship. However, my favorite character bonding moment is when Kendrick and Gyllenhaal sing Cam’ron’s Hey Ma to charming effect.

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You need to watch End of Watch. It is the rare film that takes time to build characters and tension. Everything feels earned, it is one of the best of 2012 and there hasn’t been a better film about police in a long time.

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Wreck-it Ralph is the story of a video game character who is tired of being the villain. He sleeps in a pile of bricks, is loathed by many and on the 30th anniversary of his game isn’t invited to the big celebratory bash. So, he sneaks out of his console, ends up in a bug killing first person shooter and gets stuck in a Mario Kart type game called Sugar Rush. Along the way he attends meetings at Bad Guys Anonymous, meets a sweet little bugger named Vanellope von Schweetz and inadvertently brings a violent bug spawning robot to a helpless game.

John C. Reilly is perfect as Ralph. There is an intelligence and sweetness in his voice that blend well his occasional outbursts of anger and frustration. His journey towards being a good guy is a blast of new school meets old school. It is inevitable that he will become a better man and loved my many. However, like most Disney films the story is more about the journey in an interesting world and less about the destination. I loved how film set up cool parameters to the video game world. For instance, characters can only die when outside their game, people can eat the Pac-Man cherries and  Q*bert is homeless.

The journey involves Street Fighter’s Zangief talking about smooshing heads, ridiculous car chases and a diet cola volcano fueled by mentos  saving the day. Reilly is joined by Sarah Silverman, Jane Lynch and Jack McBrayer who all bring unique life to their respective characters. The foursome band together to battle the cantankerous King Candy voiced by Alan Tudyk.

Disney was smart to make this film because it appeals to people of all ages and they will be able to sell a plethora of toys. People over 20 will recognize many of the retro video game characters while kids will love the visuals exploding in front of their eyes. Pixar created a world of toys coming to life and now Disney owns the video game world. The gamble paid off and it collected 430, 000, 000 worldwide and collected an impressive 86% on Rotten Tomatoes. The sequel is in the works and nerdy folks like myself are hoping for team ups featuring characters from Tron, Pitfall or NHLPA 93. 

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Fat Kid Rules the World is the story of a fat kid, a teenage hustler and a drum kit. It is observant where many are not because it was directed by punk aficionado Matthew Lillard. If you were into any kind of punk music in the 90s you probably came across the fantastic film SLC Punk. The 1999 film is about 20 somethings in Salt Lake City who are trying to figure out what it is to be a punk. The movie hit me at the right time and made a lot of sense. You didn’t have to dress like a punk to be a punk. What exactly was a punk?

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SLC Punk went a different direction in its punkness. Nothing was black and white. Fat Kid Rules the World is similar in that it features some really neat relationships and family dynamics. The best part of this film is the relationship of the core family. Billy Campbell gives one of the best performances of 2012 as a tough father who loves his kids. He is tough but always has their best interests in order. Campbell’s father is a revelation amongst cinematic fathers. The patience he has with his large teenage son feel real.  The Billings are good people who are still reeling from the death of their wife/mother. The younger brother is a star athlete and the oldest boy is a sad sack who eats too much and contemplates suicide. His attempt at killing himself via bus crunch is foiled when a teenage musician/conman rescues him from death. The two should be terrible for each other but instead start a band and help each other out. The changes are not drastic and that makes them believable.

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The story never goes where you think it is going to go. Lillard has a great way with characters. The punk scene in Fat Kid feels real and the people who inhabit it I’ve met before. They are not hardcore angry little brats. They are kids who hang outside the system and have their own problems. There is a DIY aspect that many of them flock to. The movie does have it’s oddities though. For instance, the fat kid has odd visions that accompany him everywhere. These madcaps moments feel out of place amongst the grounded story. I understand why they are in the film but it adds a level of disjointedness.

I liked this film because Lillard adapted a popular book into a nice little film. Characters come first and because of this the odd visions are excused. It will find an audience and I know kids will latch onto it. It is a strange little thing but it never felt fake. The problems feel real and not overly melodramatic. I loved how when the loner finally finds a hobby his dad goes out and buys him a drum kit. The only rule is no playing after 10 PM. In a day and age of buffoon parents and precocious kids it is nice to see a realistic family dynamic and a legitimate punk scene. 

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The Master is beautiful to look at and acted to perfection. Anderson and crew have created a sweeping epic unlike anything you’ve ever seen. However, aside from the technical mastery and acting clinic the movie feels distant. I understood the film and loved several moments but as a whole will never achieve the heights that Punch Drunk Love, Boogie Nights, Magnolia and There Will Be Blood reached. The reason for this is The Master makes the viewer passive as they watch beautiful things unfold. The dolly shots, ocean cinematography and long takes will make any filmmaker jealous but the characters involved never click. You never become immersed because you are too busy appreciating the acting and technical aspects.

Did I get the film? Yes. Did I love seeing Rami Malek (Pacific) and Jesse Plemons (Friday Night Lights)in a Paul Thomas Anderson film? Yes. Did it feel over important? Yes. Did I want to start putting my hands on my side like Phoenix did? Yes!

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I dug the character study of two different men and the roles they played in each other’s lives. The scene where Hoffman processes Joaquin Phoenix should be shown to every acting class. Phoenix transforms himself into a feral animal who lives in the moment, loves sex and never avoids a fight. There is zero reason why Phoenix shouldn’t have won the Oscar this year. His thin frame, hunched shoulders and well-defined face carry many silent moments that exhibit PTA’s directing capability.

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Phillip Seymour Hoffman exudes confidence and anger as the Master. He is cool, calm and collected yet apt to profanity laced outbursts of insecurity and bottled up anger. You never know much about his mission but his following is always growing. Also, I am surprised that Amy Adams character wasn’t named “Stone Cold” on the IMDB page.

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The look and acting in the film are fantastic but the movie didn’t gell with me. I felt like I was looking at a piece of art that I appreciated but never clicked with. I remember There Will Be Blood blowing me away and walking out of Punch Drunk Love in awe. After I turned off The Master I didn’t know how to process the film. I wondered it I didn’t get the story or that it was incredibly simple. The fact that it has stayed in my mind a week after watching is impressive.

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If somebody asked me to explain The Master I don’t know where I would start. You’ve probably noticed I’ve said nothing about the plot because I feel like it took second place to everything else. The plot doesn’t matter because it seems like a movie of interconnected moments. The film comes together but it is tied together by a loose thread. It would be hard to recommend because I know a lot of people wouldn’t appreciate it.  However, I know many who would love it. The film will divide the masses and that has to be appreciated. It is not an easy film and I like that. If you love technical mastery and acting clinics you should rent the Blu-Ray, turn off the lights and attempt to immerse yourself in the experience.

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Welcome to the Hotel Transylvania. You will be welcomed by bright colors, loud noises and the Sandman doing exactly what you think he is doing.

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The critics weren’t kind to the film and the synopsis from Rotten Tomatoes reads “buoyant, giddy and may please children, but it might be a little too loud and thinly scripted for older audiences.” Too loud?

I think in this renaissance of Pixar, Disney, Aardman, Fox and Laika churning out wonderful children’s films people have forgotten that cartoons are for kids.  Hotel Transylvania understands this and supplies little buggers with a whole lot of fun. Who cares if older folk and cinema snobs complain? It is a movie made for kids and it doesn’t try to be anything else.  Sophistication is not always necessary and sometimes the Sandman has to fart and houses need to fall on cheeky minion zombies. Hotel Transylvania may have all the trademarks of a Sandler film (thin plot, farts, vomit and easy conclusions) but it has a nice story behind it. I’ve always been able to forgive dumb and gross when the story behind it is genuine.

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Hotel Transylvania centers around Dracula protecting his daughter from the outside world. His wife was killed by humans and he can’t bear the thought of losing his lovely daughter. Thus, he builds a castle that is well hidden and it acts as a resort for monsters who are looking to avoid the real world while on vacation. As his daughter begins to age she craves visiting the outside world. Dracula realizes this so he arranges for her to visit a town (his zombie minions built) so she can have a disastrous first time experience amongst the humans. my favorite part of this film are the zombie minions running around. They are a bunch of cheeky little guys who are always getting smooshed and crunched while doing their jobs.

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As Dracula is fighting to keep her from the real world the real world comes to her. One day a human enters the premises and everything gets turned upside down. The free-spirited human voiced by Andy Samberg causes a stir as he tells tales of his travels and reintroduces fun into Dracula’s life. Along the way Quasimodo tries to eat him, monsters fear him and naturally the daughter falls in love with him.

Hotel Transylvania is nice in its lack of pretentiousness. It tells a family story and young kids will appreciate the monsters running a muck. The movie dates itself badly (a plethora of LMFAO songs) and pop culture references but it has a winning sense of creativity and charm. Take a look at these pictures and you will notice the abounding creativity and neat monsters. Another bonus is that the voice cast includes Steve Buscemi, Kevin James, Fran Drescher, Andy Samberg, Jon Lovitz, Molly Shannon, Ceelo, Rob Riggle, Rovert Smigel, Chris Parnell and Selena Gomez.

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Hotel Transylvania is a fun film. Is it good? Nope. Does it try to be Wall-E or Coraline? Nope. Is the ending too easy? Yep. Does a yeti clog a toilet? Yep. Does it tell a nice story about family and friends? Yep.

Rent this film. Embrace the loudness. Appreciate the zany world of Hotel Transylvania.

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Damsels in Distress is a bonkers film that takes you into a world of tap dancing, dance crazes and second floor suicide attempts. It features four young women with personalities unlike anything you’ve ever seen. Together, they navigate through college life and all it’s travails. They talk smart but are close and far away from intelligence. For instance, while defending her attempt to start a new dance craze Greta Gerwig argues (falsely yet confidently) that the Charleston was named after a man and not the city. She is incorrect but she sounds like she knows what she is talking about. Thus, you wonder if everything you’ve heard so far is false. Also, there is the woman born in America who spent six weeks in England and now only speaks with a British accent. This is not fluffy stuff. It is for smart, detached,  ironic or cinema-goers who watched Whit Stillman’s prior films. Also, be wary that this film is fun but feels much longer then it’s two hour running time due to randomness and general lack of a traditional narrative (not a bad thing).

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It walks a tight rope between irony, peculiarity and self consciousness. For instance, this picture below features an excited young man named Thor who  finally learned his colors and is celebrating by naming all of the colors of the rainbow.

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I could talk about this film ad nauseum and still forget about several of the weird yet fantastic moments. There is no way to fully explain the plot so I’ve decided to describe some of the more memorable scenes. In an attempt to cure depression and make dorm students smell better the four women stuff square envelopes with soap and send it to the stinky dorms. The dimwits at the dorm use these squares as throwing discs until soap falls out and two of them randomly clean themselves. Or, the French guy (I think) who convinces Analeigh Tipton (Warm Bodies) that his religion only allows them to have sex in an uncomfortable place (Not in the back of a VW). I also have to mention the Sambola which is the dance craze Gerwig invents.

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The story revolves around students at a fictional university where the fraternities use Roman letters and most people living in dorms smell badly. No synopsis could do this justice and I pity the fool who thinks this is another House Bunny or Man of the House. The four main characters work at a suicide prevention center where they teach depressed students how to dance. At the center they come across students named Mad Marge, Depressed Debbie, Freak and Positive Polly. They only dole out doughnuts and coffee to clinically depressed people who are actually diagnosed. There is a scene where Greta is asking for a doughnut and Aubrey Plaza (Debbie Downer) complains that Greta is only on a downward spiral and not actually clinically depressed. Thus, no doughnut.  It is an odd scene.

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I got into the flow of this film and never looked back. In order to enjoy Damsels in Distress you have to listen and appreciate the insanity unfolding in front of your eyes. I’ve never watched something like this before and not sure there will be another like it. You will most certainly be a launching pad for Greta Gerwig and her unique style. I’m glad she survived Arthur and is back in Greenberg mode.

Watch Damsels in Distress. Dig the world. Appreciate the weirdness. Ignore the self-consciousness.

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Smashed is the fantastic tale of a person becoming sober. Does it solve every problem? Nope. Will the person be forced to sever ties with lifelong friends and spouse? Yep. Will the poster feature the main character smiling like she is in some sort of romantic comedy? Yep.

Mary Elizabeth Winstead should have received an Oscar nomination for her role as an alcoholic school teacher who decides to become sober. She inhabits the role with aplomb and at the very least is now on the radar for bigger and better roles. Producers will jump at the chance to hire a woman who played such a difficult role with relative ease and grace. She did her time in Deathproof, Final Destination 3, The Thing and Abraham Lincoln Vampire Hunter and with Smashed finally gets to showcase some skills in a smart film. Roger Ebert sums this film up perfectly when he wrote “This is a serious movie about drinking but not a depressing one.”

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The moments that lead to the sobriety ring true and Winstead plays them off with believable maturity. You first meet the character as she is rushing out of bed late for work. The process seems to happen often and you can tell by her hair and clothes that rushing to work is nothing new. The prior night was filled with copious amounts of booze and there is evidence of it on the bed in the morning. These people get so drunk that relieving themselves in  bed is a common and normal occurrence.  She speeds to her job, takes a swig out of a flask (recovery drinking) and eventually throws up while energetically teaching her first grade students. She tells her students she is pregnant and this opens up the door to tall tales, drunk bicycle riding and smoking crack (only once).

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The rest of the film involves her getting sober while at odds with her love husband/best friend/drinking buddy/terrible influence of a husband played by Aaron Paul. The two genuinely love each other yet cannot be together if she is going to follow sobriety through. The relationship is handled realistically and I loved the third dimension to Paul’s character which I will not divulge.

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Helping her towards clean living are Octavia Spencer and a recovering cocaine addict (Mr. Ron Swanson) who happens to be her assistant principal and boss . You can tell that they lived wild and crazy lives fulls of stories and bruises. However, they’ve calmed down and become regular folk who live boring yet sober lives. I love that both of them still haven’t figured it out but appreciate every day not under the influence.  Nick Offerman has made the word “moist” incredibly cringe worthy though.

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My fiancee and I always knew that Winstead could act. In this film she dresses down but doesn’t feel like she is going the Charlize Theron (Monster) or Halle Berry (Monster’s Ball) route. Her poised and controlled performance will win over whoever watches it but didn’t get the press that the other two actresses received. She doesn’t get naked, kill people or have showstopping monologues.   She inhabits her role and doesn’t do anything flashy and that is why she didn’t garner any Oscar talk. The role seems easy and not forced which is a revelation. In the wrong hands this film could have hurt the soul and felt like a made for television drama. Instead, it is an intelligent reflection on alcoholism and sobriety.

Watch Smashed. Dig Smashed. Appreciate that it won’t depress you.

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Rashida Jones did something fantastic. She wrote herself an interesting role and tells a story worth telling. Her characters are not perfect and the film has a rough around the edges feel that fits in with the independent vibe. It is not a well-manicured romantic comedy that feels created by committee and I applaud Jones for that. The men are not swarthy, the women are not desperate and most importantly there are no precocious kids.  Celeste and Jesse Forever is wonderful and features a refreshing blend of romance, comedy and character. Celeste and Jesse was written with love and can almost compete with the upper echelon of break up films like 500 Days of Summer and High Fidelity. 

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The film centers around two people navigating through a divorce. It won’t be easy and will annoy many of their mutual friends. The reason for the annoyance is that they’ve broken up yet remain best friends. They never talk about the split and instead riff off each other and do various German and goofy voices. They spend all their time together yet sleep alone. They probably would stay in the vicious circle for years but unforeseen circumstances finally tear them apart. I won’t give away the twist because it hits hard and is a smart way to distance two people who haven’t totally committed to the split. Their friends stay annoyed though.

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Rashida Jones is a successful author and image consultant who is married to a talented albeit incredibly lazy man played by Andy Samberg. They love each other but have grown apart due to contrasting styles and ambitions. Jesse starts dating a younger version of Rashida and she starts spending time with the likable Chris Messina (Dr. Castellano from The Mindy Project). She also has to deal with a less talented yet self aware version of Ke$ha and her co-worker played by Elijah Wood whose attempts at being sassy end with disastrous results.

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The movie is about two people but the film belongs to Rashida Jones. Samberg is good but comes across as more of a plot device to help Rashida go through all the emotions. She has the biggest character arc and learns from the unlikeliest of people (pop stars, drug dealers). I like how she ranges from goofy to attractive and back to goofy. She allows herself to look bad for the sake of the movie and hasn’t written herself to be the greatest human ever. her insistence on not making things easy or pretentious  make for an interesting romantic comedy with a likable supporting cast.

Watch Celeste and Jesse Forever. Dig the Rashida. Appreciate the script. Enjoy something new.

Spoiler Alert! If you read this post SINISTER’S PLOT WILL BE SPOILED and there will be no need to watch Ethan Hawke run around scared whilst wearing a stylish cardigan.

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When I first watched the trailer for Sinister it seemed to incorporate everything I appreciate about horror films. Original story, good lead actor, scary villain and tiny three million dollar budget. However, when I watched Sinsiter the twist ending and overall selfishness left me with the “not impressed” face.

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Sidenote: The face is old news but it was how I looked when Sinister ended.

Sinister does several things well. However, I am not really into scenarios involving families being hung, lit on fire and run over by lawnmowers.    Ethan Hawke watches some brutal stuff and never tells the authorities or wonders why the tapes were left in his attic. Another issue I have  is that the whole thing is caused by selfishness and lies. Hawke never tells his family that four people were murdered in the backyard and he alienates himself because he hasn’t had a best selling book in ten years. So, you have a desperate man immersed in bloody tapes while some demon named Magul, Bughuul or Magbuguul harasses him and eventually has a child kill him with an axe.

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With news that a sequel is on the way I can’t help but think that Sinister is just another cog in the money making machine. It certainly won’t be as ridiculous as The Last Exorcism 2 (huh?) but it will just wreck whatever frights mugbughull creates. The creative marketing and decent previews resulted in an  $80 million worldwide gross and a a decent cult following. Fellow Co-writer John appreciated Sinister but the news of the sequel boggled his mind as well. They will essentially be telling the same story over and over again. There is no room for further stories because everybody is dead. Will they explore the netherworld or tell us how the bad guy paints his face?  I loved the film Insidious and the news of the sequel worried me but there is room for future stories. There is a world to be explored that will not result in copious amounts of gore porn. I’m hoping the Insidious sequel will further explore a world and not use gimics to make money.

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I was expecting a lot from Sinister. In my mind I had a monologuing Ethan Hawke dealing with a jerky and scary evil thing. However, the movie didn’t hit the spot and I can blame high expectations for that. Sinister is not a Day Time Horror film and doesn’t pander to Tank Top Horror but still is a nasty little thing. The sequels will further exploit the snuff video aspect and audiences will expect more and more pain with each sequel. Intelligence will be thrown out of the window and any chance of a scary story involving likable people will be nonexistent. Muhbuhba will still steal childrens souls in his realm and cameo in his own films like Hitchcock.

Sinister will have a sequel that will make lots of money. It will be better than Last Exorcism 2 but not as good as Final Destination 2. The worst part is that there won’t be any Ethan Hawke monologues.

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Explaining Hysteria and The Sessions to people would be an interesting prospect. One is about the invention of the vibrator and the other is about a paralyzed polio survivor forced to live most of his life in an iron lung looking to have sex before it is too late. Both films are optimistic and feature charming characters who get into some interesting things (pardon the pun).

The two films differ completely and were on opposite ends of the Rotten Tomato spectrums. Hysteria received a 58% rating and The Sessions lived up to it’s “festival film of the year” moniker by gathering  a 94% rating. Hysteria tells a more familiar tale about something never talked about while The Sessions is based on the autobiographical writings of journalist and poet Mark O’Brien (who has a wonderful collection of shirts).

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Hysteria is a period piece about a bunch of well mannered people who also happen to cure “hysteria” via their hands. Of course there is no such thing as “hysteria” and the women simply needed a break from unloving husbands or thankless lives. Medicine was at a crossroads in the 1880s and Hysteria capitalizes on that. New doctors were pushing logical things like sanitation and cleanliness. The older doctors believed in leeching and old world medicines that lead to infection and funky stuff. This all leads to a  kind new wave doctor who gets a job curing hysteria at a well known physicians medical practice  The work goes well and he becomes engaged to Felicity Jones. However,  massive hand cramps get him fired and with the help of Rupert Everett he invents the world’s first vibrator. The plot never goes beyond kiddie pool deep yet it has a likable charm and the ensemble all seem to enjoy working together.

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The movie has a cheeky feel, and live wire performances from Maggie Gyllenhaal and Rupert Everett that carry it through the interesting and odd choice of subject matter. There is a conundrum to this film though. Do you recommend it to your mom? Who would watch this film? Who did they intend for the audience to be? What were the actors thinking when a woman starts singing opera whilst testing out the vibrator?

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Regardless of all the questions Hysteria is a fun little film that says nothing about the human condition but manages to charm whilst telling a cheeky story.

The next up is the superbly acted film The Sessions. It took the 2012 Sundance film festival by storm winning the Audience  and Best Ensemble awards. Helen Hunt also received a best actress Oscar nomination for her work as a kindly sex surrogate. The Sessions is likable, kind and smart. The motives are pure and John Hawkes is wonderful as Mark O’Brien. The entire cast is fantastic. Helen Hunt is graceful, tough and brave (watch the film) as Hawke’s sex surrogate.

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William H. Macy is funny and charming at O’Brien’s priest who navigates him through the ordeal. I loved their scenes together as O’Brien takes his religion seriously and the priest understands what he is going through. Their confession scenes are highlights of the picture.

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The biggest surprise is seeing Moon Bloodgood sneak away from Street Fighter’s Nash and finally being able to act in something other than Pathfinder and Terminator Salvation. I dug how she stayed by her bosses side and helped in a nonjudgmental manner while still realizing the peculiarity of the situation.

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The Sessions was written with care and gives us an acting showcase and mature story telling. It takes us to an interesting world and gives us a disabled figure who is rolling with life the best he can. There were some complaints about John Hawkes playing the disabled character because he never suffered from polio or disability. However, after many casting sessions the director realized he needed a committed actor to pull off the part. Hawkes would find himself in excruciating pain as he curved his body but realized it was nothing compared to what other people have to go through.

The Sessions is a nice film. Watch it, enjoy the niceness and appreciate the shirts.

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The Sweeney is a spin-off of a 1970s television that tells the story of cops who do bad to do good. They annihilate geezers by any means necessary and have mastered very serious looks. Of course, as they are getting things done the obligatory/clichéd “suit” attempts to shut them down because they work outside the law. As in all cops and robbers films things go awry, the stylish bad guy gets away, somebody gets killed, the main character gets in trouble and they all atone for the wrongdoing via car chases, good old fashioned cop work and slow motion walking.

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Sidenote: The wonderful show Top Gear was on the Sweeney set helping with the final car chase. Of course, nothing goes right, things get blown up and bad accents are used all around. check out the episode (season 18, ep 3) here. 

These tough individuals take on the most violent criminals England has to offer. The unlucky criminals often find themselves unable to understand the Sweeney’s  East End language and eventually engage in massive gun battles that feature many bullets missed, several unnecessary murders and Branson from Downton Abbey hiding behind a car.

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The story centers around Ray Winstone, rapper Plan B and Hayley Atwell wearing stylish clothes and chasing down the murderous criminals who knocked off a jewelry store and murdered a store clerk.  Twists occur, Branson hides behind another car and problems are many. For instance, music is used to comedic heights (cue dramatic moment!), Damian Lewis wears nice suits but does nothing and a subplot involving a woman being considered for the Lara Craft: Tomb Raider movie reboot (Hayley Atwell) being head over heels in love with Ray Winstone. Did I mention she is married to the “suit” looking to shut them down?

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Ray Winstone (Sexy Beast, Departed, The Proposition, Beowulf) is a wonderful actor who has a reliable tough guy persona that can never be in doubt. The problem is the script forces him to act tough instead of being naturally tough. Things seem forced and rushed and they create a character that is nothing new and kinda ridiculous. He is hindered by the stock script and his many dramatic moments with rapper Plan B. B tries his best but can’t hold his own with the veteran. The duo reminded me of the Stallone/Sung Kang pairing in Bullet to the Head. Kang has charisma in The Fast series but couldn’t hold his own with an iconic veteran actor. The Sweeney mismatch is evident during the weightier moments and this causes many dramatic cues and B trying to look tough/sad/angry.  About halfway through the film my  fiancee said this about Ray’s character:

“He is full of himself, makes bad decisions and looks like human grumpy cat.”

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His character in this film must be the uncle of Jake Johnston’s character from The New Girl.

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I know this is becoming ridiculous but here is the original grumpy cat.

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The Sweeney gathered a wonderful cast yet failed because it wanted to be tough. It strived for a look and feeling but failed to create memorable characters. The film desperately wanted to mimic fantastic crime films like Heat, Ronin and The Town. By trying to be something else it failed to become anything good. The film was a sleeper hit in the UK so hopefully the director and star find what they are looking for.

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Deadfall tells the bleak story of three dysfunctional families who converge on a snowy Thanksgiving in northern Michigan.

It is an odd little film permeated with ultra-violence, odd accents and convenient rendezvous. Snow mobiles will go full speed, Eric Bana loses fingers and Olivia Wilde once again finds herself in Alpha Dog territory.

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I had little problem with Treat Williams utter disdain for his capable daughter (Kate Mara) or Olivia Wilde’s inconsistent twang as she woos Charlie Hunnam. What bothered me was Eric Bana’s accent. Bana is a wonderful actor and has proven his mettle in Chooper, Hanna, Munich, Star Trek, Funny People and Black Hawk Down. He has been a believable foil to Adam Sandler, Captain Kirk and an odd Southern accented Cate Blanchett. However, the southern accent proves to be his downfall.You can’t appreciate the sweet jacket he wears whilst killing people because the character never hits the right tonal note because of the forced accent and not enough depth. I don’t need the full back story of a character but I do need something because when he is self righteously killing people and acting borderline incestuous with his sister it feels like a script device and not a fleshed out character.

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I know what his character is supposed to be. He is a current day Misfit who says things like “I hope you can forgive me” before he kills you. However, the script doesn’t give him enough good lines or motivation to become a scary killer angel. Instead, from the first moment you hear his voice an alarm goes off that something isn’t right. Suspension of disbelief is impossible as a southern twang comes out of a über Aussies mouth. I kept waiting for him to lose the accent and prove it was all a rouse of a master criminal. That never happened and the southern talk kept happening.

Is it Bana’s fault? Or, is it the accent? I can name a plethora of actors who have attempted the accent and come out on the losing side. For instance, Melissa Leo (Oblivion), Idris Elba (Prometheus), John Cusack (Paper Boy), Keanu Reeves (Devil’s Advocate), Jodie Foster (Silence of the Lambs) and pretty much everyone else who has attempted a southern accent has been foiled. So, while Bana is leaving a bloody trail through snowy Michigan it doesn’t come across as threatening because you are too busy scratching your head. Check out the first few seconds of the trailer.

Deadfall isn’t all bad. It has the feeling of an old noir that is incredibly bleak while offering moments of dark humor. You understand why everyone signed up and the director Stefan Ruzowitzky (The Counterfeiters) has a solid resume. However, the chess pieces don’t fall into place and it feels contrived and  too easy at key moments. The set up is obvious and it lacks the skill needed to string together a winning/fluid chess game. Instead, you are treated to a lean, mean and good-looking machine that doesn’t nail the accents but strings together enough solid scenes to make it a worthwhile background/late at night film.

Bill Murray is an enigma prone to acts of randomness like running bases at Cubs games, calling Kelly Lynch’s husband when Roadhouse is on cable and popping up in the strangest of places (inside a tree in Get Smart)  He appears in amazing films like  Ghostbusters, Ed Wood, Groundhog Day, Caddyshack, Rushmore, Life Aquatic, Lost in Translation and Royal Tenenbaums. However, he will show up in Osmosis Jones, Larger Than Life, The Man Knew Too Little, Passion Play and Garfield  He should have received an Academy Award nomination for Kingpin and his cameo in Zombieland was a highlight of a film full of highlights.  When I watched the trailer for Hyde Park on Hudson I was ready to proclaim it is the greatest film ever. Murray is known for his unexplained exploits so the fact that he was playing a president who got the United States through the depression and a massive war seemed perfectly normal.

The majority of my excitement died down as the film started. Hyde Park on Hudson doesn’t know what it is. It is a snapshot of history that meanders,  switches narratives and doesn’t leave you with much. You find out that FDR had a multitude of mistresses, pushed hot dogs on kings and loved stamps. The scenes between Samuel West’s King and Murray are highlights that make you wish the movie would have been these two sitting in a room talking while Eleanor and the Queen engage in uncomfortable small talk.

Despite the oddities of Hyde Park on Hudson it allows you to spend time with the elusive Murray. The eccentricity of the film allowed me to develop a theory as to why Murray was in it.

You ready for a wonderfully untrue yet totally believable theory?

One day Murray was bored so he decided to visit his Rushmore costar Olivia Williams on the Hyde Park on Hudson set. Murray’s charming demeanor and copious amounts of scotch endeared him to the director of the film. The director jokingly offered him a role and Murray replied “Yes. Want more Scotch?” When the booze exited the director’s bloodstream he quickly realized his conundrum. He fired the man playing FDR, told Laura Linney she was no longer the star and had the writer edit the entire script to Murray’s liking. What followed was a mixture of disjointed moments, a weird driving scene and more Scotch.

Sidenote: look at the poster. I bet it was originally just Linney. However, they captured a wonderful picture of Murray on the set and they photo shopped him in.

Don’t watch Hyde Park on Hudson. Watch the trailer then pop in Life Aquatic and enjoy the Murray.

What happens when you put several good-looking people, relationship trouble and a very pissed off alien in a massive self-storage facility? Hearts are torn out (literally and figuratively), people go into way too many closets and perfectly acceptable B-movie mayhem ensues. Storage 24 was made for science fiction fans who want something between Syfy’s shlock and Alien’s pedigree. This British import exists somewhere in the middle and will not annoy legions of late night horror fans who appreciate good-looking head stomps.

I admire Storage 24 because it attempted to create three-dimensional characters but gave in at the 20 minute mark and proceeded straight to carnage town. The relationship foibles in the beginning prove more nauseating than the following blood sprays. Heads are smooshed, guts are spilled and a storage unit hermit compares the alien to his ex-wife (then gets head smooshed). Also, I’m pretty sure a twenty-foot alien is thwarted by fireworks and a screwdriver. It also features the greatest excuse for not having a cell phone.

Guy 1: Call the cops.

Guy 2: I threw my cell phone into a river.

Guy 1: Why?

Guy 2: That is what happens when somebody breaks up with you over the phone.

You could harp about the faults all day (stock characters, recycled plot, skinniest lead actress ever, loud noises). However, I recommend you simply enjoy the carnage and appreciate the original offering. Storage 24 is a nice late night horror film that you and your friends can enjoy when you don’t want the pain of V/H/S or banality The House at the End of the Street . There are enough cheeky moments( alien is scared of toy dog)  to appease the masses and not enough gore to turn people off.

Sidenote: A face is slashed off but in more of a “look at this cool makeup we did on a budget” as opposed to gore porn face rips.

I appreciate this film because it knows it’s limitations. It uses the storage facility to maximum effect and the alien is pretty nifty. I watched the film (Netflix) on a day off while I was catching up on writing  and it was over before I knew it. I like seeing competence on a budget and this movie accomplishes that.

Gross Point Blank, High Fidelity, Say Anything, Being John Malkovich, One Crazy Summer, Adaptation, Raising Arizona, The Sure Thing, Leaving Las Vegas, The Rock, Serendipity, The Thin Red Line, Kick-Ass and Matchstick Men, John Cusack and Nicolas Cage have been in some of my favorite films. They’ve traversed the cinema landscape playing killers, heroes and Lotharios. Their movies have accumulated billions of dollars yet somehow they find themselves in puzzling films playing odd characters that are featured in cut rate posters.

While watching The Numbers Station (curiosity,background noise) I couldn’t help but notice a trend starting to occur. It seems like they are becoming one person.  Both have headlined Charlie Kaufman films (Being John Malkovich, Adaptation). Cage and Cusack had competing War movies with Lords of War and War Inc.  Both have starred in rotten rated films with Nicole Kidman (Tresspass 2011, Paperboy 2012), They’ve acted with Jennifer Carpenter in DTV films (Seeking Justice 2012, The Factory 2011).   To top it all off  while watching Numbers I remembered that the two have acted in two very bad DTV films with Malin Ackerman (Stolen 2012, The Numbers Station 2013). Now, they are acting together again in the DTV thriller Frozen Ground. 

Notice how bored they both look. Hunters are becoming hunted and it makes you want to sleep.

Both actors have their own unique talents and proved them time and time again. However, lately they’ve been teetering between overacting (yelling at Kidman) and underacting (I think Cage slept through Stolen). Their last movies Stolen. Seeking Justice, The Raven, The Factory, Trespass and Ghost Rider 2 have accumulated 19% on Rotten Tomatoes. I can’t even explain why The Number’s Station was made. The plot revolves around Cusack watching after Malin Akerman in a station where government codes are made. Cusack seems genuinely depressed and I don’t think he had it in him to create chemistry with Akerman.  I don’t remember anything else from the plot.

What I love about both of these actors is that their careers have become unpredictable roller coasters of entertainment. If you a compiled a top ten film list of their films it would challenge any other filmography. Their legacies are set and their acting unquestioned. They survived the 80s, 90s, 00s, and now have respectable movies coming up with The Butler, Salinger, Maps to the Stars, Joe and Expendables 3. They survive bad films, pop up in excellent cinema then go back to odd choices and bad hair.

You can never predict what is coming next from these guys and that is why it is a pleasure to have them around. I just hope they don’t become one person. The worst thing that these guys can become is predictable.

Jack the Giant Slayer is a breath of fresh air. The characters are nice, the actors are having  fun and the movie has a straightforward cheeky vibe that keeps a smile on your face. My fiancée and I enjoyed every minute of the film because it wasn’t burdened by anti heroes, origin stories, self-important monologues and weighty issues. I have no problem with any of those factors and many movies featuring them (Thor, The Dark Knight, Batman Begins, Captain America) I own and love to watch. However, sometimes it is nice to watch a film where characters  listen to each other while they battle giants. We’ve become so accustomed to the whiny princesses, poor peasants, evil knights and cheeky sidekicks that we expect every film to feature them. However, Jack strays away from these character traits and is all the more likable for it.

Jack is the story of beanstalks, angry giants and Ewan McGregor’s hair. The movie creates likable characters who are refreshingly nice. The story has a predictable vibe with unpredictable characters who listen to each other and look out for best interests. The problems amongst the main characters are not caused by selfishness, entitlement or jealousy. Once the stalk gets growing and giants start forming the characters act rationally, cheekily and bravely. They are smart people dealing with a giant problem. Also, not only are there magic beans but there is magic hair. McGregor’s hair goes from perfect, wet, disheveled and back to perfect without any hair wax or primping.

This may sound odd considering CGI giants are battling knights but the action is surprisingly believable. When a man runs at a giant the man gets stomped. It adds a neat wildcard to the film. Do you remember the Matthew McConaughey, Gerard Butler and Christian Bale classic Reign of Fire? There is a seemingly epic scene where McC jumps off a tower to attack a dragon. You think he might chop it’s head off or land a death-blow but the opposite happens. McC jumps and the dragon effortlessly eats the muscled man. It is anti-climatic and pretty awesome. The giants are the same in this film. Sure they are dumb but there is no way a man could kill them without large arrows, fire or a bee’s nest placed inside their helmet which forces them to stumble off a cliff. Characters get squished unceremoniously in Jack and I like that.

Jack the Giant Slayer had a long road to hit the cinema. It went through year-long  post-production delays, multiple rewrites and several directors. However, the final product turned out better than expected. It is a lean squishing machine that director Bryan Singer (X-Men, Superman Returns) explains like this:

It’s a very traditional fairytale, probably the most traditional thing I’ve ever done. But it’ll also be a fun twist on the notion of how these tales are told… Fairytales are often borne of socio-political commentary and translated into stories for children. But what if they were based on something that really happened?.. What if we look back at the story that inspired the story that you read to your kids? That’s kind of what this movie’s about.

Jack the Giant Slayer is pure popcorn entertainment. There are no anti-heroes, emotional depths are not plumbed and it features too many giant farts. However,  It is nice not to have the huge speeches, predictable beats and angry father/daughter subplots. Just enjoy yourself when watching this film. It is meant for adults and kids who enjoy seeing pigs surrounded by dough (Literal pig in a blanket). It is an unpretentious film that simply wanted to tell a nice story and entertain kids. I totally recommend this to anybody looking for a breezy time featuring wonderful actors and Bill Nighy as a two-headed giant.

Watch Jack the Giant Slayer. Appreciate that is doesn’t try to reinvent the wheel and instead features a giant throwing a huge cart wheel at a castle.

Stoker is cruel, artful and fantastic. It tells a macabre story of a very creepy uncle and two women on the eve of a family death. Stoker will linger in your memory because it strays from the supernatural and instead focuses on people who can kill with little or no conscience.

The film has a southern gothic feel to it that builds an insular world full of dark moments and sudden death. It would  be hard to recommend to a non-cinema buff because it is not easy to watch. I’d compare it to I Saw the Devil or Seven because of the stylish ways they capture evil on film. Directed by Park Chan-Wook (OldBoy) Stoker moves ahead at a deliberate pace that could only be created by a master of the genre. The script written by Wentworth Miller gives us a wonderful villain and several questionable characters that take us out of the world. For instance, why is every high school male mean and forceful?

The story centers around Nicole Kidman and Mia Wasikowska mourning the loss of their husband/father (played in flashbacks by Dermont Mulroney). One day a good looking man shows up and tells them he is uncle Charlie. Charlie is known to the family as the world traveling businessman who has little time for family. Mia notices something off about this charming man. His nice clothes and easy smile mask a murderously empty soul. What follows is a tension filled movie filled with stylish shots, fantastic acting and a dangerous pencil.

Matthew Goode owns this film as he walks a fine line of underacting and overacting. There is restraint in his mannerisms but you can tell by his smile and eyes that something is missing. He is the scariest of villains because he is pure evil. He could play a round of tennis then stuff somebody in a cooler and neither of those events would be greater in importance. Goode talked to details magazine and he talked about how he figured out his “eyes”:

I got the eyes a couple of days before we shot the film. We were in a steak restaurant. I kind of knew what I wanted to do, but I was still slightly unnerved, so I had a few whiskeys and was chatting with Park and having a lot of fun. There was a painting in the corner of this little steak restaurant in Nashville. I went over to it, and I was like, “That’s it.” It was this guy in a sort of 1920s outfit with a bow tie, and it was so odd. I brought it to Park, and he was like, “That’s Uncle Charlie.” And that was it. There was something in this guy’s eyes.

Stoker gives us a classic character and proves the Park Chan-wook is a master filmmaker who will be freaking us out for years to come.

Watch Stoker. Beware that is isn’t easy. However, it is a tough journey worth taking.

21 & Over is incredibly vulgar, every nationality is insulted, every profanity is spewed and every type of liquor is vomited. It is a case study in too much. The movie features two dudes played by likable actors Miles Teller (Footloose, Spectacular Now, Project X) and Skylar Astin (Pitch Perfect, Hamlet 2) and puts them in the traditional drunk escapade involving getting their good friend Jeff Chang to his medical school interview. Throughout the night they unleash a bull, puke on a mechanical bull, sneak into a sorority house, watch women make out, throw a dart through a dude’s cheek, dance on cop cars, throw Jeff Chang out of multiple windows, escape an angry father, get spanked by paddles, only wear socks, endure closeted frat dudes, pee on women and drink a lot of beer.

There is so much vulgarity you never get to like the characters who are engaged in the nastiness. It wanted to be Old School, Animal House, Harold and Kumar and Road Trip but forgot to make memorable characters. The four films I mentioned all feature likable characters, hilarious moments and copious vulgarity that are used in conjunction with each other to create gut busting laughs. However, 21 rarely blends character/hilarity/vulgarity into funny moments. The biggest laugh comes from an incredibly drunk Jeff Chang dancing on top of a car after the police tell him to “get down.” The moment works because of the cheeky dancing and the reactions from the cops. The best moments in this film are not gross and come from little exchanges like this:

Chang: “You broke my laptop!”

Angry dude: “Get a desktop!”

When making a gross-out college romp the most important things are the characters. If you don’t like the people involved you will have nothing invested in the bodily function jokes. There is no Frank the Tank, Harold, Kumar, Bluto, or endearing Sean William Scott character guiding you through the shenanigans. We are stuck with likable actors who have been made unbearable by the constant barrage of dialogue and excretion of bodily functions.  Miles Teller is a great actor but the script never lets him stop talking. He talks about everything he sees and it starts to grate the ears and numb the senses. Miles is Vince Vaughn X11 and he explains everything that happens after it happened. For instance, Jeff Chang pukes on some coeds then Miles says “Jeff Chang just puked on some coeds!” Also, They throw Jeff Chang out of a window and Miles declares “We just through Jeff Chang through a window!” You will hear everything twice in 21 & Over. 

If you insist on watching this film and haven’t watched Pitch Perfect, Footloose or Project X then I’ve compiled a checklist for watching this film. 

1. Drink every time they say “Jeff Chang.” They say it like 700 times. I’m pretty certain the creators intended the constant name check to become a party game.

2. Watch it in the background while at a party and pretend like you weren’t the one who recommended it.

3. If you are writing a film about a wild night of shenanigans this will show you what not to do.

4. Drink every time they say “Randy.” It is a decent little subplot involving a dude named Randy and two dudes who always call him “Randy.”

5. Appreciate better films like Euro Trip, Road Trip and Hangover. Realize that it is hard to make popular frat-house films.

Don’t watch 21 & Over. Watch Pitch Perfect, Footloose or Project X. Appreciate the college Animal House classics that have survived the test of time.

WWE studios is getting close to putting a cohesive film together. They started off well enough with The Scorpion King, Rundown (the best) and Walking Tall but have since faltered in their mission to branch out (Read the MFF roundtable on The Marine series here). Their last film Dead Man Down was directed by Niels Arden Oplev (The original Girl With the Dragon Tattoo) and featured a fantastic cast comprised of Colin Farrell, Terrence Howard and Noomi Rapace. However, it turned out to be really, really ridiculously bad. The story telling and writing hurt the soul and you felt bad for the actors involved.  However, WWE’s latest venture The Call directed by Brad Anderson (Session 9, The Machinist, Transsiberian, Fringe, Boardwalk Empire)  is the closest they’ve come to a decent non-action film and it is light years better than See No Evil, The Chaperone, The Condemned and No One Lives. More importantly, it was a box office success collecting $50 million at the box office on a $12 million dollar budget.

You might be asking yourself why I inflicted The Call upon myself. I’ve enjoyed watching WWE studios attempt to grow over the years (even if I haven’t enjoyed their films). They are an upstart company looking to find their footing and find a niche alongside the established production studios. I’ve watched them ride the Rock’s coattails, invest heavily in John Cena, excell at direct to DVD action films, attempt drama and slowly bring in big name actors to act alongside the big fellas. The results have been disastrous and occasionally fruitful.

The Call focuses on Halle Berry’s character as she attempts to save Abigail Breslin’s kidnapped teenager. Berry works in a 911 call center and she had a prior run in with the kidnapper one night when the girl he was attacking called her. The girl ended up dying and it justifiably pushed Berry to quit the job and teach incoming call center recruits. However, the killer strikes again and Berry is there to talk the girl through the ordeal.

The movie has a lean and mean plot that movies full steam ahead toward it’s preposterous, bonkers and very dumb ending. The killer is played reliably nutty by Michael Eklund who has worked with WWE studios (Marine 3) before. He is a creepy little fella who recklessy kidnaps an industrious teenager and has to deal with all the intelligent things she does to get free (kick out taillight, pour paint out of car, use hairspray well).

The finale finds Halle hunting down the terrible man on her own. Of course, she goes alone, drops her phone into his lair and has to endure a creepy killer starring a doll head moment. It becomes exploitative and mean which is a let down because the beginning had a  flow that went for tension and not shlock scares. The WWE has a history of turning to unnecessary violence and hopefully they are able get rid of the nasty blood lust and instead focus on character, plot and believable conclusions.

SPOILER ALERT!!!!!!

The two women end up tying the man to a chair and leave him to die which is a terrible idea because he is an industrious fella with an underground lair. It ends on the EXACT same note that Saw ended with and it makes you incredibly annoyed. Why chance it? He knows who you are and you let him live? Will you come back several days later to make sure he is dead? Could you sleep not knowing if he lived or died?

Don’t watch The Call. Watch Session 9, The Machinist or Vanishing on Seventh Street instead. Hope the WWE gets one step closer to legitimacy with their next film.

Hello all. Mark here.

John already wrote a wonderful BMT for this film but I had to contribute as well.

I am a huge fan the Die Hard series. The first four all had their own flavor and style and I loved every second of them. However, this fifth film is incredibly painful, boring and totally unnecessary. Instead of dog piling on top of all the negative reviews I am going to share a message chain that my friends and I came up with in order to provide ideas for the inevitable sequel. We want the series to become relevant again and these ideas could give the producers, writers and Willis a creative boost. Enjoy!

Mark: Die Hard 5 was absolutely soul crushing. Here are my suggestions for the inevitable Die Hard 6.
1. Do a shot for shot remake of the original with Vince Vaughn…..
2. Call it Live Free of Die Hardigan. Cast a cardigan wearing Tom Hardy as the revengeful and ultra stylish brother of prior bad guy Timothy Olyphant.
3. Pretend Looper is Die Hard 6.
4. Go the Leprechaun/Jason route and send Willis to Space. Call it Die Hard: Armageddon with a Vengeance.
5. Make Mary Elizabeth Winstead the main character and include every cast member from Scott Pilgrim and the Fast & Furious series. Call it Die Hard: Sorry for the last one

DJ: Part six should be called a Die Hard: Six Pack and have evil personal trainers steal all the money from Little Debbie to make people thinner

Mark: Die Hard: With a Snack Cake!

Nippy: Or just call it Die Hard: Termination…. and have Allan Rickman play a cyborg version of himself… borrowing many visuals and dialog from the Terminator series

Don: Oh, these are good! Someone should take the movie The Fifth Element and dub it, making it into another Die Hard installment. It has all the makings of a Die Hard movie: the heavy amounts of action; forever being out-gunned and out-numbered; and Willis as the reluctant hero that saves the day. Maybe CGI Hans Gruber’s clone (Alan Rickman) to fight alongside Zorg (Gary Oldman)?

Mark: Whoa. That sounds wonderful. We could do that with a lot of the Willis films. Die Hard 12: Monkeys. Die Hard 16: Blocks

Nippy: Die Hard Sixth Sense

Don: Die Hard: Die Moonrise Kingdom Hard.…..wait…Moonrise Kingdom: The Last Die Hard Boy Scout

Nippy: They could also kill to birds with one stone, die hard 6, roger rabbit 2… Just saying

Don: BTW, they are starting production on Die Hard 7, entitiled “Die Hardest.” Considering there has been a movie with him saving each of his family members (his wife, twice) maybe in this one he saves…the nanny?http://www.imdb.com/title/tt2884178/

Mark: I think Willis should go back in time to prevent Die Hard 5. Or, His character from Moonrise Kingdom is a beaten down McClane (big reveal!) who has lost his kids via Hans Gruber’s other brother and he has to begrudgingly battle the euro villains again.

Don: You mean he reluctantly goes back in time?

Mark: Or, with the downward trajectory of the series they should just re-release Cop Out and call it Die Hard 6. Saves money. Annoys Kevin Smith.

Chris: Die Hard 12: We Can’t Believe We Made it Either

Mark: Die Hard 13: Listen folks, you keep watching this stuff so we are going to keep making them. Heck, we sent Bruce to space last year and he battled a Rickman clone on Mars. The movie made $200 million, Willis was only on set for three days and Rickman was pissed at the tight green suit he was stuck in.

Chris: Die Hard 14: Scraping the Bottom of the Barrel

Mark: John McClane in barrel chasing Michael Shannon in a barrel down Niagara Falls. Boom!

Niall: Die Hard: When John met Holly with Joseph Gordon levitt

Mark: Whoa! That opens up the whole prequel world. Police Academy starring John McClane….and Bobcat Goldthwait and that dude who makes all the noises. Check out this meme I found for the new Die Hard too!