The Last Days On Mars is a well acted bore fest that features decent set design, wonky villains and zero joy. The survival horror film doesn’t push for Apollo 18 oddness, Europa Report’s intelligence or the all out insanity of Prometheus. It is a 90 minute bland hybrid that doesn’t allow the fine cast to differentiate themselves from the barrenness of the red planet. People die, people argue and you twiddle your thumbs.

John Carter, Ghost of Mars, Red Planet, Doom, Mission to Mars, and Mars Needs Moms have proven that Mars cannot be conquered. Sure, we might get the occasional fun visitor (Mars Attacks), Criterion classic (Robinson Crusoe on Mars) or Paul Verhoeven action fest (Total Recall). However, the majority of Mars films have failed (26% Average score on RT) despite big directors (DePalma, Stanton, Carpenter) and big stars (The Rock, Don Cheadle, Tim Robbins).

The biggest problem with The Last Days on Mars is that it would be boring if it took place anywhere. The planet Mars is not the culprit. The film wouldn’t be exciting if it took place on Hoth, Pandora or in From Dusk Till Dawn’s Titty Twister. There is zero reason for the zombies and zero reason for the people to turn on each other. You begin to wonder if these people ever watched a horror film. They leave dead people laying around and ignore obvious injuries that will certainly come into play later. Also, one man makes the mistake of trying to bear hug an angry zombie who knows how to operate drills. If there is one thing I’ve learned from horror movies is that you should never bear hug a zombie with a power drill

I kept hoping that the snarling zombie king from Ghost of Mars would pop up and start screaming his gibberish whilst his minions attack the compound. Then, Val Kilmer, Ice Cube, Natasha Henstridge, Pam Grier and Jason Statham ride up on the John Carter beasts and everything starts to resemble a Lord of the Rings battle.

My hopes were dashed as the film moved slowly towards the inevitable. Basically, the crew have 19 hours left on Mars, they find something and it all goes awry. There are no shocks, frills, bombast or moon rock spiders. The film is so straight forward you can tick off what happens next. I think the director was going for Alien tension but ditched it for space critter mayhem. You don’t have time to care for the characters because the violence happens so fast. The perpetrators are ashen faced jerks whom have no agenda other than stabbing people with power drills. How do martian zombies know how to use drills? Why are they so angry? In Apollo 18 the moon rock spiders are annoyed by the moon rock theft and they retaliate appropriately.

I wonder why the actors took the job. Were they in between roles? Did they owe somebody a favor? Did they think the young talented director could pull a Duncan Jones (Moon, Source Code) and make a great science fiction film? Was the short story (The Animators) it was based on good? Liev Schreiber (Goon), Olivia Williams (Rushmore), Elias Koteas (Let Me In, Zodiac, TMNT) are all fantastic actors who are given nothing to do.

The Last Days On Mars is not good or bad. It is forgettable fluff that features nothing new and manages to be a boring space zombie movie. Don’t watch it. Watch something great (Sunshine, Moon, 2001, Alien) or watch something beautifully dumb (Apollo 18, Ghost of Mars, Prometheus).

Sorcerer is a lost classic that pushes the boundary of cinema and holds up well because of its practical effects, timely plot and singular artistic vision. The 1977 remake of the 1951 film Wages of Fear revolves around four men who take the dangerous job of driving nitroglycerin through the jungles in order to put out a massive oil well fire. It is dirty, tense and you are worried for the actors safety as they wade through jungle water and drive over the worst bridge ever (which cost three million because of location changes and drought).

Directed by William Friedkin (Exorcist, French Connection) the film got lost in the 1977 hubbub of Star Wars. It was a disaster that went overbudget due to location shooting, drought and the unpredictability of mother nature. Friedkin’s hubris didn’t help as he wanted total artistic control and turned down actors like Steve McQueen and Robert Mitchum. His insistence on location shooting whittled down much of his crew and proved to be incredibly dangerous. Friedkin did an interview with Yahoo where he discussed the perils:

It was dangerous. I mean, it was way beyond what I would do today. I would never risk my own life and the lives of others the way I did on this film,” says Friedkin, who contracted malaria and lost some 50 pounds after the shoot. “It was extremely dangerous to do so much of it, and I had a kind of sleepwalker’s certainty that I could pull it off and that nobody would be hurt. But it was life threatening. The scenes on the bridge, a lot of the driving, much of which the actors did themselves.

The film disappeared and became a lost classic. Eventually, Friedkin won the rights back and now the film is becoming embraced. Sorcerer is one of Tarantino’s favorite 12 films and the Blu-ray release has been getting cinephile coverage ad nauseam. I had a sinking suspicion that Sorcerer is a classic case of the building up of a decent film over years of being mythologized. Happily, my suspicions were assuaged as I sat glued to my seat watching the primal man vs. nature tale. It is an unloved classic that might be one of the best remakes ever (The Thing is the best). Also, the cast is fantastic and you believe 100% they could succeed where many others would fail. Their all-in acting certainly wouldn’t happen today.

Watch Sorcerer. Appreciate an artistic vision. Never accept a mission driving explosives through untamed jungles.

Grand Piano tells the age-old story of a man playing piano while another man is pointing a gun at his head. This thriller is a fun experiment that is executed to perfection. It is an original idea that uses its locations well and never looks back. It is fun cinema that gets why people watch movies (to be entertained!).  Telling a story about a concert pianist being threatened by a ornery voice is a massive risk. That is why I like Grand Piano.

Grand Piano does a lot with a tiny budget and manages to look better than the average thriller. The camera sneaks through the corridors of the concert venue like a snake and becomes a character all its own. The long takes show us that Elijah Wood has studied the piano and his playing blends seamlessly into the soundtrack. The usage of crane shots and split screens feel organic to the proceedings and not shoehorned in. You feel like everyone was on the same page and that is why it is so fun. During an interview with Entertainment Weekly Wood discussed the ease of process.

The difficulty of the structure was largely in Eugenio’s hands, and by the time we started shooting all of that had been predetermined. So, the music, the time code that we were adhering to with the music as it related to the imagery, all of that was done in an animatic form. By the time we were shooting there was a sort of ease of process. It was technical and we had all these elements working together in tandem but it had a very clear structure. But the piano-playing was extremely complicated and stressful.

Grand Piano is a singular story that looks great and wears its preposterous narrative on its sleeve (something about a key). The heist is improbable yet you don’t care because the film is told so assuredly. Don’t think. Enjoy. Be excited that Alex Winter from Bill & Ted is in the film. Be excited that John Cusack seems to be trying again. Be happy that people are telling stories like this. Grand Piano doesn’t reinvent the wheel but it certainly makes the wheel look great.

Watch Grand Piano. Enjoy the insanity. Hope that John Cusack does Grosse Pointe Blank 2.

Ravenous is an odd little film. Dismissed upon initial release in 1999 it has picked up a cult following that has made the recent Blu-ray release an event. The film is characterized by a quirky soundtrack, bonkers performances and the famous line “he was licking me!” It is clear to see why this film is so adored. Like most cult classics it has an off-kilter vibe that features performances with personality. Ravenous has a personality all its own and can stand alongside films like Evil Dead, The Warriors and Donnie Darko. Roger Ebert was one of the few critics to appreciate the film and he understood the vibe it was going for.

 Ravenous” is clever in the way it avoids most of the clichés of the vampire movie by using cannibalism, and most of the clichés of the cannibal movie by using vampirism. It serves both dishes with new sauces.

Ravenous can be called a lot of things but predictable is not one of them. It most certainly provides “new sauces” to the mix and those new ingredients are certainly not for the mainstream. From the unique score, rugged locations and A-list cast this historical horror film brings us something new. The film is helped by the cast who fully commit to their roles and it is a blast watching them fight, eat and fight more.

The director Antonia Bird jumped into the directors chair two weeks into production when the prior director quit. That maybe explains why it feels like two films. Bird wasn’t happy with the final cut (Studio interference etc..). However, she delivered a film full of memorable imagery and fantastic performances. I’m sure there is a message in there somewhere (Preying on ambition, westward expansion) but what mattered to me was the neat moments.  From the opening scene when cowardice is rewarded to the final line “That was very…..sneaky” Ravenous follows the beat of its own drum. 

Set during the Mexican/American War Ravenous centers around a small outpost in the Sierra Nevada mountain range. One night a starving Robert Carlyle stumbles upon them and proceeds to tell them a story about cannibalism. He tells them there is a woman left alive in the mountains and a motley crew ventures off to save her. Of course, things go awry, people are eaten and it all builds to a massive bear trap.

Ravenous is a fun film for genre fans and adds another entry to the cult-classic canon. The material is unique, the cast (Jeremy Davis, David Arquette, Neil McDonough, Jeffrey Jones and John Spencer) fantastic and scenes memorable. It is a under-watched pleasure that you can watch on Netflix and add another cult-classic to your arsenal.

Chaos is order undeciphered

Enemy is a headscratcher in all the right ways and leaves you stuck in your chair while you absorb the previous 90 minutes. The slow-burning film reminded me of Shane Carruth’s Upstream Color and Primer in their resolve to not pander to the audience. The answers are there (maybe) and you are left to piece the films together. They require multiple viewings and it is a pleasure to have them around. The Enemy experience reminded me of my 2002 viewing of Donnie Darko. When the movie ended I sat dazed in my room thirsting for knowledge while cursing my dial-up modem (The first thing I read was Ebert’s review).

Enemy is an adaptation of Jose Saramagos’s The Double and tells the story of a professor who realizes he has a double/twin/doppelganger. The two meet and it all gets weird. The film is loaded with dreams, clues, nightmares, sex and a refusal to pander. The ending punches you in the gut and leaves you feeling like you enjoyed the film but didn’t fully understand it.

Denis Villeneuve and Jake Gyllenhaal worked together on the underappreciated Prisoners and have developed a nice director/actor shorthand. There is a trust that has allowed Gyllenhaal to thrive while his director is able to trust the performance. The two roles he plays in Enemy couldn’t be more different. One of the characters dislikes confrontation while the other feels compelled to it. One drives a motorcycle and wears leather jackets while the other drives a Volvo and wears corduroy. They have the same chest scar, beard and hair yet their tactics vary wildly. They both have beautiful women in their lives whom they mistreat in different ways.

Gyllenhaal’s quiet brooding and ability to be confident while brimming with insecurity is perfect for his Enemy roles. You can’t read his characters and never know what is going on beneath the watchful eyes. The stark contrast in character allows you to look back and analyze why he stalks, cowers or cheats. Is there really two people? Is it one man with two lives? Are they in a Twilight Zone of Body Snatchers?

Enemy is not an easy film and won’t be widely appreciated because of that. However, people who enjoy carefully crafted films that raise questions will applaud. I can’t say that I’ve put the pieces together but my wife and I have had a fun time talking about it.

Enemy is a confounding tale that doesn’t stick to its source material (Spiders?) or give easy answers. However, at 90 minutes it is easy to be confused all over again. Enjoy!

The Raid 2 numbs you with awesomeness and proves that Gareth Evans is a director to watch. His ambition is seemingly endless and in Indonesia he has the resources to do what he wants. The Raid 2 is a sprawling crime epic that relishes in blood and leaves you exhausted. It is 148 minutes of stylized action that never lets up. Ancillary characters get their own showpieces, cars are crashed and the stunt crew must have been happy when the movie wrapped.

What I love most about the The Raid films are the characters. Among all the carnage they stand out and become memorably likable/despicable. Their personalities shine through and they give you something to cheer for.

Many films feature massive action scenes that don’t matter because you don’t care about or like the characters (I’m looking at you Die Hard 5). When you like or despise the characters the action is more important because you know who they are and what is at stake (Saving Private Ryan did this perfectly). Sure, Raid 2 is too long and some of the fighting lacks urgency but Evans has earned the right to do what he wants with characters he has created. My favorite of the bunch is Eka. He is just a badass dude who knows the drill and has worked his way up via blue-collar face punching.

The Raid 2 tells the story of Iko Uwais going undercover to pull out the roots of the violent organizations splitting up the city. What he doesn’t know is that it will be a three-year long process that has him battling gangs, cops and a woman with a hammer. The plot gets intricate as the son of a crime boss teams up with a nefarious yet slightly hipsterish gangster. This causes a problem with the Japanese and the plot becomes slightly muddled but never out of reach. Basically, things happen so people can beat the snot out of each other.

Iko Uwais once again proves to be a choreography genius and the set pieces he and Evans create hurt to watch. Over the years the two have developed an understanding that has created great bone crunching mayhem. For instance, the opening scene features Iko in a small bathroom stall that is about to be infiltrated by annoyed prisoners. The fight is a marvel of close quartered brutality that uses the small location perfectly for one on one fighting. You actually feel bad for the prisoners who get singled out and crunched.

Evans showcases Uwais while Uwais brings the cinematic pain. You can tell they are friends too.

The Raid was a small-scale action film that hit really big. The Raid 2 is action on a grand scale that was done much cheaper than any other Hollywood blockbuster. It is non-Hollywood filmmaking that should be appreciated (Much like the beautiful Snowpiercer). Evans is wonderful to have around and with each film (his segment in V/H/S 2 was amazing) he is getting better and better. I just hope he never loses the side of him that created the economy and urgency of The Raid. 

The Raid 2 is a sprawling action saga that hits hard and often. Watch it. Love it. Hope that you never find yourself in a muddy prison riot.

If you get a chance check out Gareth Evans five favorite fights.

Under the Skin is a mesmerizing film that captures Scotland’s dreary beauty while blasting us with the most sensory film of the year. I love that there is zero backstory or expository hand holding. It is a remarkably simple movie that still leaves many questions unanswered. It is a pure and unadulterated experience that could be vivisected or simply appreciated. My advice is to turn off the lights, turn up the volume and allow yourself to fully appreciate a spellbinding experience.

Under the Skin tells the story of Scarlett Johansson’s unnamed character driving around Scotland on the prowl for men/victims. She takes them back to uninhabited homes where they are doomed via black goop quicksand.  The scenes are slightly improvised and all lead to hyper stylized endings. As her journey progresses she seems to become more self-aware and curious. This doesn’t bode well for her because she is out of the protection of her motorcycle riding assistant/boss/owner.

The journey her character takes is a wonder of cinematic prowess and natural beauty.

Little is said yet you understand what is going on. The director Jonathan Glazer had this to say about the film:

When you’re choosing to tell a story from an alien point of view, you’re really creating a rod for your own back, because you’re trying to make something feel truly alien. The experience needs to be inscrutable, unfathomable. Something you don’t recognise, that you feel but you don’t see. We didn’t want to make a film where that’s explained away somehow. It had to be outside our understanding.

Under the Skin is a truly alien film that is too easy to make complicated. Much like Tree of Life, Springbreakers and Upstream Color (Enemy is really confusing though) people add symbolism and theory where it isn’t needed. Under the Skin is a tragic journey of somebody experiencing earth for the first time.

The film has become notorious for the Johansson nudity. However, it feels organic to the film and is part of the character’s self-awareness. As the film unfolds you understand why she is becoming more aware of her body. Her performance is a wonder to behold as she seems genuinely curious of her prey and the world around her. She must have trusted the director because in lesser hands this could have become an exploitative piece called Naked in Scotland.

Glazer made a wise decision to shoot the film in Scotland. When I visited Scotland it seemed like I could close my eyes, put my camera behind my back and still take a beautiful photo. The rainy and misty country provides perfect vistas to explore.

Under the Skin does a great job of creating an alien world. The trust between Scarlett and the Glazer is evident and the movie works as a sensory blasting experience. It most certainly isn’t for the mainstream because of the vague subject material and lack of information. However, if you appreciate great looking films that take daring journeys Under the Skin is for you. Also, it makes you really want to ride a motorcycle through the windy Scottish coastal roads.

There hasn’t been a more self-explanatory title since Snakes on a Plane. Filth is a nasty little film that is based on a wonderfully nasty Irvine Welsh book. It features drug use, nudity, murder, rape, infidelity, abuse, profanity, phone sex and more drug use. It is depravity buoyed by a demented yet likable performance by James McAvoy. He owns the screen and you can tell he enjoyed every moment of it.

I don’t know how I could recommend Filth to non-cinephiles but I will fully praise McAvoy’s performance to everyone.  McAvoy navigates the world with a mixture of angst, anger and feigned bluster. Mentally, he has gone off the rails and as the film progresses you begin to feel bad for the guy as his story becomes rather tragic.  McAvoy juggles the mental collapse well and remains sympathetic even as he is doing terrible things. This isn’t a stylized bad guy who is evil to be cool. He is a sad man who needs help and will never get it. I’m happy that McAvoy nailed this role after trying something different with Welcome to the Punch and Trance.

The film revolves around McAvoy’s character doing every bad deed in the book whilst angling for a promotion to become Detective Inspector. He has a beautiful family (whom you only see in dreams or hallucinations), suffers from bipolar disorder and is haunted by flashbacks of a young child. Something has gone mentally haywire and he becomes a drug addled Shakespearean villain. He manipulates, lies and coerces in order to get what he wants but his tenuous grip on reality seems to be going down the tube with each line of cocaine he snorts.

The supporting cast is wonderful. Eddie Marsan, Jamie Bell, Jim Broadbent, Shirley Henderson, Joanne Froggatt and Imogen Poots all play various foils and marks who inhabit the drug hazed world. They journey with McAvoy down a rabbit hole of insanity that makes Edinburgh, Scotland seem like a layer of hell. In one of the my favorite scenes Imogen Poots uncovers McAvoy’s true character and you are able to look back at the rest of the film with new eyes. It is a solid moment that shows how versatile the two actors are. It also helps you understand why he does what he does.

Filth is a daring and old school film. There is a darkness to it and there is nothing likable about the main character.  It is tragedy mixed with dark humor that is made palatable by James McAvoy’s performance. This film isn’t for everyone and becomes very bleak. However, if you appreciate Irvine Welsh (Trainspotting) and brave performances check out Filth. 

A Long Way Down is the happiest film about potential suicide you will ever watch. It is tonally odd and bounces all over the place yet remains likable due to the chemistry of the cast. As the proceedings bounce around  you remain engaged because of the all-in performances. I really liked what Mick LaSalle of the San Francisco Chronicle had to say about the film.

As British comedy sometimes will, “A Long Way Down” has an occasional attack of the cutes, but the actors’ commitment keeps the movie on the plus side. I enjoyed the velocity of Poots’ assault on every line, as well as Paul’s sensitivity – that vibe he has of being a good guy.

The film doesn’t care much for being subtle. The characters sing I Will Survive and Tragedy while the conflicts are resolved swiftly. Time doesn’t matter, side plots are ditched and they all have undefined backstories. Gone is the classy humor from Nick Hornby’s other book adaptations  About a Boy and High Fidelity. What we get here is four people having a great time together. So, the plot and subject matter are thin yet you really like the actors involved.

The plot revolves around four people who meet on top of a roof on New Years Eve. They all planned on committing suicide but decide to sign a pact (on the back of a suicide note) that will keep them alive until Valentine’s Day. Pierce Brosnan is a formerly famous morning host who went to jail for having sex with a 15-year-old. Aaron Paul is a sad musician. Toni Collette is a single mother who takes care of her disabled son. Imogen Poots is the daughter of a politician who lost her sister and needs to learn impulse control.

I understand all of the complaints made about the film. However, I was able to roll with A Long Way Down. The director Pascal Chaumeil is known for cheeky, fluffy and goofball films that don’t take themselves too seriously. He doesn’t capture drama well but he manages to get believable chemistry from his cast. So, the proceedings might be fluff but the performances are game and the actors are enjoying themselves.  The happiness was infectious and the chemistry real in A Long Way Down. Poots and Paul were wonderful together in Need For Speed (A guilty pleasure of mine) and in this film you can tell they really enjoy each other.

There are moments in the this film that make it all worth it. It has a cheeky ambition that manipulates emotions well. It is fun watching Brosnan act like a grouch while Toni Collette once again proves she is a chameleon. The four actors are really trying and it makes the film enjoyable. I do wish it could have reached the comedic/drama heights of High Fidelity or About a Boy. However, it makes for a fun romp that should not be over analyzed.

Alan Partridge! Who the f- Alan Partridge! You know who I am, I’ve not been off TV for that long! Identify yourself.

Alan Partridge has been around a long time. 20 years ago the comedy classic Knowing Me, Knowing You With Alan Partridge (ah-ha!) was released upon the world and it introduced us to an incredibly superficial, narcissistic and insecure ‘wally.’ (Thank you Wiki homepage for Alan Partridge) The show made for some of the most uncomfortable chat show moments in television history and ushered in a new wave of comedy hero (Think David Brent of The Office). His show ended with a gunshot that lead to a spiral of botched Christmas specials, toblerone candy and divorce. His journey has taken him from failing upward on the BBC to hosting an afternoon show on a local radio network called North Norfolk Digital.

The film follows Alan as he becomes the mediator during a hostage situation. The radio station he works for is adjusting to a younger crowd and are looking to sack one of the old school disc jockeys. Alan is a disloyal little turd so he gets Colm Meaney’s character fired and a hostage crisis ensues. Meaney doesn’t know it was Alan who got him fired so he uses his “trusted friend” to meet his demands. Alan uses the crisis to further his brand. occasionally end up without pants and say things like “We’re asking, what is the worst monger? Iron, fish… rumour… or war?”

The movie goes broader than the television shows yet still delivers the Alan you’ve grown to love because he is such a sad little man. Alan is not a likable fellow and his back catalog of quotes proves he can be described as articulately dumb. What I love is that Coogan has had 20 years to fine tune the character and it has been fun to watch his semi-evolution.

We don’t get many creations like Alan Partridge. We’ve been able to watch him fail for twenty years while he still holds on to his self-importance. His will has been tested but he has overcome obstacles like his bare foot drive to Dundee. He has lived in travel lodges, caravans and posh five bedroom homes while chasing fame. Aside from one panic attack he still has his ambitions and with news of the sequel we will get more adventures.

You need to know Alan Partridge. Start from the beginning and you’ll understand why he is the Alpha Papa.

I purposefully didn’t watch any trailers for Locke. I knew it featured Tom Hardy in a car for 90 minutes and I didn’t want the film sullied by too much information via trailers or interviews. The thought of Hardy acting again after his tough guy roles in Lawless and Dark Knight Rises had an appeal to me. Gone is the tough guy persona and what we get is a man named Ivan Locke who has made a terrible mistake. It isn’t life threatening but it is life altering. Locke’s life isn’t going to be pleasant for a while yet he chooses to meet his miscue head on.

Filmed over six nights Locke gives us a fantastic character. The film is a mini-miracle of director/actor trust and fantastic editing and cinematography. All the elements combine to form a confident movie that engages and excites.

The director Steven Knight rehearsed the film for five days with the actors then let them do their thing over the six-day shoot. Some nights they would film two completely different 90 minute versions and when it was all done they edited the best parts together. Some scenes last around 10 minutes and allow Hardy to show every emotion in the book. I loved watching a man trying to keep it together whilst everything changes around him.

It isn’t a one man morality play (Phone Booth) or indictment on the Iraq War (Buried). It is the story of a dependable man and one mistake. He has a good job, a family that loves him and the respect of his peers. Yet, his 90 minute drive to London will change all of that. Tom Hardy holds the close-ups well and disappears into his Welsh-accented character. I love the moment when he is motivating his assistant to complete the job he left by saying:

You do it for the piece of sky we are stealing with our building. You do it for the air that will be displaced. And most of all, you do it for the f—–g concrete, because it is delicate as blood

We find out that Locke left for London the night before the largest concrete pour in Europe. 200 trucks will be rolling in and the amount of variables needed to be checked are countless. He has been the man for ten years and his higher-ups are justifiably pissed off by his departure. He also has another drama that is much more important to his life. Over the course of the film you find out why he is doing what he is doing. He made his bed and now he has to drive to it.

Locke is pure cinema. It wasn’t made by committee or meant for the masses. It tells a singular story and doesn’t pander to the audience. Nothing happens that will change the world and there is no problem with that. It is a riveting and incredibly human piece of work that reminds us of Tom Hardy’s acting skills and that directors are still striving for something different.

Watch Locke. Appreciate Locke. Learn a lot about concrete.

The wheels started rolling for Cuban Fury one fateful night when Nick Frost drunkenly sent an email to a producer friend of his. She loved the idea and the film received the green light to start. What followed was seven months of dance training and the accruing of a wonderful supporting cast. The finished product is an earnest little film with a nice heart and a supporting cast who moonwalk away with all the best scenes.

The best parts of Cuban Fury involve the eclectic supporting cast. Chris O’Dowd (lovely long legs), Ian McShane and Kayvan Novak steal the show. Novak was hilarious in Four Lions and he imbues the film with cheeky randomness . Whether he is drinking flat Fanta or giving Nick Frost the Pretty Woman treatment everything he does is pure gold. I really hope the guy starts landing larger roles because he holds the screen like none other.

Nick Frost makes for a likable schlub whom happens to dance well. He was a child dancing prodigy who hung up his shoes after a massive beat down by bullies. Twenty years later he works as an engineer who has given up on women and simply goes about the daily grind. However, a conveniently single new American boss shows up and gives Nick a reason to dance again. His journey gets him in contact with his spurned old coach played by the always reliable Ian McShane. McShane is given little to do but you can’t help but love his long hair and constant vodka drinking. His character must be the cousin of his stepdad Frank from Hot Rod.

The biggest problem with Cuban Fury is that the main romance is about as intricate as a two-step. It is convenient (she dances salsa), contrived (two meet cutes) and comes across as flatter than Kayvan’s Fanta. Rashida Jones is stuck with the nice, gullible and conveniently single love interest role. Frost isn’t treated much better as he is saddled with playing a sad sack who has the most depressing yogurt eating on the planet. Together, they make each other mix tapes and endure Chris O’Dowd saying things like “I’m going to splash inside that like a milk truck hitting a wall.”

Despite its romance woes Cuban Fury is a likable film that wins you over. After the film was over my wife and I had big smiles on our faces and we wanted to watch Four Lions. It ain’t Shakespearean Salsa yet doesn’t need to be. The original idea survives the familiar tropes and manages to become feel good fluff. I can’t wait to see what Frost does next and hope Kayvan Novak can come up with more fun characters.

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You may find it odd that I am writing about a tiny Australian Crocodile film that was released unceremoniously in 2008. It has bothered me for some time that the neat little film was buried by the distributors and doomed to the straight to DVD landscape. So, Rogue will be the first film in my new series covering films that were criminally underappreciated.

I started thinking about Rogue again after I watched the insanely irresponsible Wolf Creek 2. Greg Mclean directed both films and they are characterized by a unique ability to punch above their weight.  Also, the large crocodile film Lake Placid just celebrated its 15th anniversary with a Blu-ray release and seemingly endless cult fanfare.

Rogue has stuck with me because of the circumstances surrounding my first viewing of it. I had just moved to South Korea for a year of teaching and was stuck inside my apartment during an incredibly rainy night. I had heard talk of a crocodile flick so I decided to rent it sight unseen. What followed was an unexpectedly good movie that was intelligently simple and always entertaining. It is by the no means the Jaws of Crocodile films but certainly is better than most water-based horror cinema. (I’m looking at you Primeval).

The film was directed by Wolf Creek’s Greg McLean and features Michael Vartan, Radha Mitchell, Sam Worthington, John Jarratt and Mia Wasikowska. it is a well-acted and great looking monster movie that moves along logically. McLean was incredibly dismayed with the treatment the film received yet had this to say about it:

I made exactly the film with Rogue, that I was making for ten years, exactly the way I wanted, with exactly the people I wanted and the film they put out was exactly what I wanted to make. So that’s the plus side. People will catch it on cable or see it playing and go, ‘what is this film?’ Because the quality is so good and they can’t understand how these films just don’t get released properly. So hopefully they’re the sort of things we’ll find

There is no back story or expository dialogue. It is a simple story of a tour boat being in the wrong place at the wrong time. There are no crazy urban legends or hunters/reporters looking to make money off of the giant crocodile. We don’t get an overacting John Voight looking to capture it or a foul-mouthed Betty White feeding it. The one inkling of trouble on the horizon is a large cave painting that is seen on some cliffs. The natives must have been living with the monster for some time in their sacred area and learned to avoid the territorial reptile (who is described as a “steam-train with teeth”).

Eventually, the giant crocodile whacks the boat and the hunt is afoot. The characters are industrious and use what they have in order to not become dinner. They think ahead knowing the tide will come in and flood their little island. So, they devise reasonable plans to escape. The people in the film are not two-dimensional characters who become crocodile fodder. Sam Worthington starts as a local “bro” but quickly proves to be a brave man while helping the tourists.  Michael Vartan is suitably stoic while coming across as a genuinely good dude. Also, it is easy to understand the finale because who wouldn’t want to save Radha Mitchell?

You get to know the characters via their actions and interactions. Words aren’t wasted and Mclean wisely gives the characters the tools necessary to keep the narrative moving along. The best horror films involve urgency and there is plenty of it in Rogue. There are moments when people act like little punks (silly rope scene). However, what would you do if you were on a tiny island about to be swallowed up by a hungry beast?  Rogue is wonderfully straightforward and simply wants to deliver the goods.

If you are in the mood for a killer crocodile film I totally recommend Rogue. It doesn’t pander to dumb clichés and is told well by a director who knows what he is doing. Rent it. Enjoy it. Don’t enter sacred land that might be home to large river beasts.

Blue Ruin is a force of nature. Told on a micro-budget the revenge thriller is nothing like all the other revenge thrillers you’ve seen. Blue Ruin plays like a massive stress bomb that comes out of nowhere. The lack of polish and adherence to logic help build simmering suspense that keeps you on the edge of your seat.  The story revolves a bearded homeless man seemingly waiting for an unsavory character to leave prison.  When the criminal is released he goes on an unplanned mission that is full of dread, suspense and blood.

The man is out of his league and often unlucky. He isn’t a killer and because of this the suspense is thick. Each explosion of violence is ugly and sometimes darkly comical. The family he is hunting is a legitimately bad crew that won’t go easy. This is bad for him because he has no clue what he is doing. However, the randomness of it all keeps everyone on their toes. I’d compare it to when a pitcher gets brought up from the minor to major leagues. The batters have no tape on him and have no clue how he will pitch. They will catch on eventually but at the moment he is a wildcard.

I haven’t watched a film this tense in a long time. You sit there with a grimace on your face as the avenger finds himself in a bloody encounter. There are moments when he literally brings a knife to a gunfight. His actions aren’t treated as unintelligent. They are treated as inexperienced, frightened and in no way planned out. He doesn’t know what he is doing and that makes it exciting. The unpredictability of the situations lead to unexpected finales. Also, the lonely Virginia landscape aids in his mission as long stretches of film rest on scarce locations and Macon Blair’s expressive eyes.

Blue Ruin is pure cinema at its finest. Told with long shots that allow tension to build, it slowly finds its way to the bloody finale. There is a depth to the characters and you understand why this is all happening. It may be chock-full of blood but it is spilled in non-gratuitous ways. The film feels organic and elegant even as our helpless hero is bleeding heavily.

Blue Ruin is a fantastic film. Check it out on Netflix.

They Came Together tells the story of tiny scarves, word jazz and a man named Eggbert. It is a send up of romantic comedies that is told perfectly straight while being incredibly bonkers. The biggest problem is that it tells us the jokes, tells us again and then goes over what it has told us. The nuance is gone and what we get is an enjoyable little romp that will appeal to the Wet Hot American Summer crowd.

Like Wet Hot, They Came Together will most certainly find an audience in the years to come. However, Wet Hot felt so weird and different while We Came Together feels familiar. I remember watching Wet Hot and loving when kids got thrown out of vans or kitchen workers humped refrigerators. It had a personality unlike any other and proved to be memorable. They Came Together is fun but occasionally goes the easy route via over explaining. Director David Wain and co-writer Michael Showalter certainly know the genre but go too far when they insert a literal pole into a waiter’s butt. The awareness hinders the jokes because they feel jack hammered in without an ounce of nuance.

They Came Together tells the story of two people who meet cute/hate each other/fall in love/find out she has racist parents/break up/get back with exes/date baxters/get married/fight Michael Shannon. She owns a candy shop where everything is free and all money goes to charity. He works for a candy conglomerate that wants to tear down her store. Of course, this all leads to a scene where Christopher Meloni craps himself while wearing a superhero costume.

I had a constant smile throughout and enjoyed the simple pleasures of likable people engaging in rom-com tropes. My favorite moments involved little observations. For instance, Ed Helms plays a guy named Eggbert who wears progressively smaller scarves.

Also, anytime Bill Hader and Ellie Kemper get to react to odd stories I’m all in.

They Came Together is a fun film yet doesn’t hit the high notes of Wet Hot or Role Models. It might start a tiny scarf trend but won’t develop the cult following of Wet Hot.

Watch They Came Together. Never wear a superhero costume when you have to go to the bathroom.

Director David Michod knows how to create memorable characters. His depraved worlds breed creatures who are insanely magnetic. Ben Mendelsohn stole the show in Michod’s Animal Kingdom. His character seethed with menace while being incredibly ordinary. The character had more than three dimensions and proved to be a bland monster that was more snake than man. In The Rover, Robert Pattinson creates a twitch filled character that is pretty fantastic and memorable.

The Rover is a simple story that takes place ten years after the collapse of civilization. We don’t get leather clad motorcycle gangs. Instead, we get drifters who exist in a semi-lawless world.  The lack of murderous biker gangs is refreshing because it grounds the story and adds to the suspense.  The Australian landscape is just as deadly as the inhabitants and is filmed in all its barren glory.

The story revolves around Guy Pearce on a mission to recover his stolen vehicle. Along the way he picks up one of the thieves brothers and the two become a sort of Butch Cassidy and Sundance Kid who might murder you. The violence is sudden, the mood grim and faces dirty. This is not a world that you want to live in. The Rover lacks a story but is chock full of surprises, suspense and great performances

Guy Pearce is solid as always and continues his chameleon like work in genre cinema. The Rover could make for a perfect yet bleak Guy Pearce film festival alongside the The Proposition, The Road, Memento and Ravenous. However, The Rover is Robert Pattinson’s film. He is capable yet dumb. He almost doesn’t know how to die. He is loyal to a fault and is a true wild card. Pattinson dissapears into the character and it all culminates with him singing Keri Hilson’s song “Pretty Girl Rock.”

The film may be nihilistic and bleak but I enjoyed the different feel of the collapsed world. It plays like A History of Violence meets Mad Max meets buddy road film.The end fills you up with proper suspense and there are moments of surprise. The film does not feel familiar and takes you to some interesting places. The lack of narrative and occasional gaps are forgiven because of the memorable moments and committed performances.

The Rover is grimy, bleak and unique. It is worth watching because of the beautiful Australian outback and Robert Pattinson’s performance.

The Signal does a lot with little. It is a visual marvel that plays like Safety Not Guaranteed met Moon and they teamed up with District 9, Chronicle, The Matrix and Dark City. Regardless of the comparisons The Signal stands on its own as a sign of talent on the rise. It has an earnest ambition and confident direction that is rare in such films. Jason Concepcion of Grantland nailed it when he said:

The Signal is a movie that never quite transcends its influences. And that’s OK — it’s partly what’s interesting about it. How many flawed sci-fi movies are worth your attention? I can’t think of many, but this is one. It’s a movie that thrills with its ambition despite not hitting the target.

Shot in thirty days for $4 million, The Signal focuses on three MIT students who take a detour on their way to California. On their journey they come in contact with a super hacker named NOMAD who wrecked havoc on the MIT servers. They track down his signal and it leads to a dingy shed that is the cover for a sterile research facility. Things go haywire and the rest of the film follows Brendon Thwaite’s (Oculus) character Nic as he endures Laurence Fishburne, wheelchairs and a whole lot of odd.

To say more would wreck the fun of the film. I knew nothing about The Signal other than the Grantland article and it helped the experience. I’m not entirely sure if it is cohesive and might simply be gobbledygook. However, you like the three actors and Thwaites and Olivia Cooke have a lived in chemistry. The Signal is eye candy in which the sparse desert and sterile research labs have never looked better.

William Eubank directed the movie and it comes from a place of film appreciation. He learned his trade at Panavision and wheeled and dealed his way into making this indie. It reminds me of a low-budget cousin of Joseph Kosinski’s Oblivion. The Signal and Oblivion are visually spectacular and they landed on the 54-55% rotten scale on Rotten Tomatoes. They were called out for borrowing heavily from other films but were redeemed because of their occasionally beautiful moments.

The Signal is proof that Eubank has grand ambition. Hopefully, he develops his own voice and creates original worlds that stand on their own. The science fiction landscape will be a better place when he can create original stories that look beautiful. I’m hoping he will have his Moon, Source Code, Looper, Primer or Monsters soon.

About an hour into A Field In England we get this exchange between a dying man and his friend:

Friend: When you get to the alehouse, see a way to get a message to my wife.

Jacob: Anything, Friend. Anything.

Friend: Tell her… tell her I hate her. Tell her I did burn her father’s barn. ‘Twas payment for forcing our marriage. Tell her I loved her sister. Who I had. Many times. From behind. Like a beautiful prize sow.

Jacob: If I’d have known that, I would have paid you more respect, brother.

Ben Wheatley’s A Field In England is a wonderfully odd vision from a guy who has delivered some unique visions. His other films Down Terrace, Kill List and Sightseers were marvels of violence, oddity and dark humor. Ben Wheatley’s films walk a fine line of insanity, depravity and watchability. I’ve never felt drained after a Wheatley film. I’ve felt exhilarated because of how singular the experiences are.

A Field In England revolves around four men deserting an English Civil War battle and making their way to an alehouse. Along the way they ingest mushrooms, wax poetic and awake an Irish Sorcerer. The Sorcerer is looking for treasure and exerts control over the gang via torture, weapons and decent clothes.

If you are looking for something that wraps itself into a neat little bow A Field in England will not be for you. The Drafthouse Films (You need to watch Cheap Thrills) released movie is confounding, trippy and all around wonderful. The narrative flies around and the editing creates a psychedelic atmosphere of unpredictability.  What makes it work is the demented yet trustworthy tour guide. The movie seems to be playing fast and loose but Wheatley and writer Amy Jump have it under control.

Wheatley and Jump create a lot with little and the film will certainly gain a devoted following. I love how it was shot in 12 days on a meager budget yet still looks and feels epic. What Wheatley does is a rare thing. He stays out of the mainstream and keeps delivering odd delights. The cinema world needs a unique voice like his and I can’t wait for his next film.

Eric Bana is a fantastic actor who deserves better material than Deliver Us From Evil. The idea of a real life NYPD Sergeant tracking down evil with a priest is fantastic on paper. However, instead of giving the film a unique character the director has given us more of the same. We get cats hissing, false scares and obligatory cannibalism. Bana has been in some fantastic films (Munich, Lone Survivor, Black Hawk Down, Hanna, Chopper) and it is a shame that Wesley Morris of Grantland could sum up his role like this:

As Ralph Sarchie, he’s the very fit cop who pokes around crime scenes unaware that his penchant for hearing and seeing what others cannot are a calling against Satan

Eventually, Bana’s character Sarchie meets up with a very fit priest named Mendoza (Edgar Ramirez) and they get entangled with a jerky demon. Along the way Olivia Munn is given nothing to do, Joel McHale knife fights and people die violently. It is paint by the numbers exorcism that is more focused on making its stars look cool.

Director Scott Derrikson knows how to create creepiness and his prior efforts landed him a great gig directing Marvel’s Dr. Strange.  However, the script he co-wrote hinders him on every level.  The creepiness gets weighed down by a slog through exposition town. The dialogue hurts more than the cannibalism and you cringe as great actors do their best to deliver stock phrases. For instance, read this gem of an exchange:

Mendoza: [notices waitress]

Sarchie: So you’re not all pedophiles, huh?

Mendoza: Any other stereotypes you want to hit while I’m here?

Sarchie: I’ve met a lot of priests. You don’t seem the type.

Mendoza: And I’ve known a lot of cops, and you’re exactly the type.

When our eardrums are not getting bombarded by bad dialogue we get the occasional cool moment. There is a solid moment at a zoo that creates a neat opening tone but is quickly foiled by a shlock scare via bear growl. The plot devolves into a series of coincidences that take out all urgency and test the audiences patience. For instance, there is a scene where Bana is driving around the city and the exact body he needs to find lands perfectly on his windshield. This means that a demon possessed man stood on a roof looking at his watch in order to throw a dead woman on top of a Sergeant’s moving police vehicle. What if he was driving another car? What if he took a cab? What if a poor soul came across the pesky demon man?

When watching horror films you don’t want to be asking questions. I found myself asking lots of questions and in my search for answers the scares were lost on me. Why The Doors? Why no urgency?  Why did Edgar Ramirez always look so stylish?

Deliver Us from Evil had the chance to be effective. However, the suspense was squandered with sub-par material. It should have fleshed out the characters instead of spending so much time coming up with cool looking flesh scars.

Don’t watch Deliver Us from Evil. Watch Bana’s other films or search out better horror fare.

Stretch will be an eventual cult classic. The film may have missed a theatrical release but it will garner a following via its bonkers plot, memorable performances and a scene involving death via Norman Reedus crossbow.

It is a low-budget film that has director Joe Carnahan’s (Narc, The Grey, A-Team, Smoking Aces) fingerprints all over it. In a Grantland article he had this to say about it:

Carnahan says he wanted Stretch to be a “market shifter” or “proof of concept” to convince studios it was possible to do a “Hangover-style comedy for one-tenth the price,” much as The Blair Witch Project had done for the horror genre.

The final result plays like a mixture of Holy Motors, Running Scared, Cosmopolis and The Hangover. Whatever can go wrong will go wrong and it is a blast to watch. Stretch has the one thing that will guarantee a devoted following. Much like Big Lebowski, Evil Dead and Boondock Saints the film has a personality that make its bumps and bruises endearing. It is weird yet self-assured. There is a method to the madness and wears its tiny budget like a badge of courage. It also features David Hasselhoff saying this:

I once forcibly sodomized a Vietcong colonel with a stick grenade because he placed an ancestral curse on me while I was interrogating him and I don’t even believe in ancestral curses but that’s how deep I roll.

Patrick Wilson continues his trend of popping up in quirky indies. He has a romantic comedy lead face yet shows off his eclecticism in movies like Barry Munday, Space Station 76, Insidious, Let’s Kill Ward’s Wife and Home Sweet Hell. He isn’t afraid to jump into strange films and his all in performance is subtle yet loud. The transformation his characters makes is endearing which makes the ending feel earned.

Carnahan brought back prior film alums and you can tell they love playing such outlandish roles. Ray Liotta (Narc), James Badge Dale (Grey) and Chris Pine (Aces) indulge in bad accents, beards and uber self-awareness. Chris Pine is the standout as he plays a cocaine addled madman billionaire named Roger Karos. Pine went full bonkers in Carnahan’s Smoking Aces and he does it once again in Stretch. He has foursomes, skydives and rocks a sweet beard. He springboards the movie into some weird territory and facilitates in some great exchanges.

The film revolves around a limo driver having a very bad day. He is broke and needs to pay off his gambling debts by midnight. He is still in a funk after being dumped by the love of his life played by the very likable Brooklyn Decker. He is close to being fired at his job where the only saving grace is the very very likable Jessica Alba. Stretch is constantly haunted by the ghost of former co-worker Karl (with a K) played by Ed Helms. Karl was the best limo driver in LA until he shot himself in the head during a routine drive. Now, the mustachioed Karl pops up during the worst moments reminding Stretch of what he could become.

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Stretch is absolutely worth the watch and hopefully will develop an audience. The thing I appreciate most is its personality. It feels like a personal film and stands out from other paint by the numbers movies. It is confident in its debauchery and has something to say amidst and the blood, drugs and boobs.  Watch it and let me know what you think!